Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
