Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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