Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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