i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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