i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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