I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
