I love black thongs
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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