I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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