where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
