i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
