Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
