Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
