I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize