come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
