Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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