He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The Olympian is in my bed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
