I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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