He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Watching her eat just hurts me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
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okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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