Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
