the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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