How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
tell your sister to shave her snatch
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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