Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
