I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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