He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
