I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
