i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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