just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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