I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
