You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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