Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
