What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
