and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
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I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?