When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
