I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
