I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize