There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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