While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
