I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
