I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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