tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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