You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
