She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
