Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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