covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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