I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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