So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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