we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
