Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
