apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
