Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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