You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
