I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
