then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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