CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
