im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
