apparently the secret to your success is patron
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
