you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
