I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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