i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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