so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
