i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
