I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
