I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
