never play flip cup with pint glasses
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize