I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
