I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
