So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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