my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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