So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
