If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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