I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
