Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
